Rosh Hashana Primer

This is the part of the juggling routine where you have more balls in the air than it is possible to catch, so you have to decide which one you can let fall and if there is something soft for it to land on.

Let me preface this, (whatever this turns out to be) by saying that Yomin Noraim are not for rookies. The davening is off the wall, by that I mean not what we usually say, or even in a normal pattern, and the accent of the Chazan is different that we usually hear here, and the timing all around is not so good. By that I mean, shofar blowing comes right about the same time as every kid gets hungry, a little after 11. So if you are going to stick it out for the whole show, you need to have a little bag of tricks. Since I like you, I am going to share my Rosh HaShana secrets here, and since I am Mrs. Balabusta, these will be tips for women with kids of various ages. Men: You are on your own.

1. Quit while you are ahead. Set a goal for yourself that is attainable: for example, your first year or two out I think a reasonable goal is to get to shul for shofar. Bonus points if you get to hear Henini, but be prepared to leave any time in the bonus round. From Mizmor Ldovid to the end of tkiyos is roughly 45 minutes. You will need to bring 5 books, 2 stuffed animals (small, beanies are good and quiet) and a box of graham crackers or cheerios (depending on # of teeth involved) and a water bottle or other drink. Daven whatever from Shachris you want to say at home before you go. Make sure the kids have snack around an hour before shofar, usually fruit in my house, and that they went to the bathroom or were changed. Expect to arrive 10 minutes before shofar is actually supposed to happen.
2. Don't push your luck. If you get everything lined up correctly and lets say you even get to stay for silent musaf and the baby starts waking up or other kids are getting fried.... then leave. While you are still in a good mood and the kids have still had a positive experience at shul. You have to trust me on this, you will not win anything by staying longer, and you will lose your patience and good feeling that you got in the bonus round. You got to know when to hold em, and know when to fold em.
3. Keep company to a minimum. This is a hard thing to do, personally we should have 16 people sitting down the second day for lunch. But the idea is to keep stress at a minimum, do not overbook. Have one big meal with company, but do not have company at every meal and serve 7 courses 4 times. That is a lot of work. If you are going to have a yom tov like that, don't plan on going to shul. You can do one or the other, but not both, or I should say, not both well. If you plan on where you are going to put your energies, and stick to it, you won't feel stretched beyond imagination.
4. Know yourself. This item should be on every list ever made. Basically I refer to normal patterns of behavior, we all have them. If by the end of the day you feel like a wrung out dishrag, do not invite company for dinner, stick with lunches. If you enjoy having company after your kids are in bed, but can't talk with them hanging on your lap and pulling on your blouse, don't do lunches, stick with dinners. The rule is - play from your strength! Corrolary to this is, take in to account your husband's strengths and weaknesses. It does no good to invite company at night, if he has been standing in shul for hours on end and is worn out, and then complain that he wasn't entertaining. He has to buy into the plan. If he gives a "Whatever you want." answer, then he is buying whatever you plan and you can hold him to it - (I would put it too him in just those words, wait a minute, I already did).
5. Have Fun. This is important. (Men, you can tune back in now, I'm talking to you). This is a chag, zman simchsainu, so we should enjoy it. Eat what you want, can be brisket, can be salmon, can be tuna patties and tomato soup. Make snacks that your kids will enjoy that you feel comfortable with them eating. I like apple crisp for Rosh Hashana. I make apple sauce with the kids (they can mash it up, you can't hurt applesauce). Remember that you are making memories here, and they should be warm, happy, good ones. I don't care if the silver is polished or not, no one remembers that. They remember singing in the kitchen, peeling massive amounts of potatos together and the smell of the soup when you walk into the house. Enjoy yourself, enjoy your husband and enjoy your family. Enjoy your life, it's a gift, a privlige and it's up to you.

Kesiva v'Chasima Tova to everyone and your families.