Simchas Torah

Getting this in under the wire.

The most important thing to remember about Simchas Torah is not to wear a turtleneck sweater to Hakafos, no matter how cold it looks outside. It is always a mistake to wear a sweater, I speak from experience.

After that, I want you to enjoy the experience. Very little of Yiddishkeit is as touchy feely as Simchas Torah. Do whatever you need to do to make yourself stress free. Bring snacks, that's a start. Drinks too, go crazy.

We used to have apples. Remember that?

Things I love, not that anyone asked.

I just finished a book by Naomi Ragen that I must highly recommend The Ghost of Hannah Mendes. Especially around the holidays. But here are a few other things I really love.

Books - Anything by Naomi Ragen, Mary Stewart, John Jakes (except the Americans series).

Movies -

• Chicago
• The King and I (Yul Brynner and Deborah Kerr)
• A Field of Their Own (makes me cry)
• The Hunt for Red October
• Anything with Jason Statham in it, namely The Transporter and the Transporter 2, (what can I say?)

TV

• Medium (my favorite show), I especially like the middle daughter, every line she says is amazing.
• West Wing
• Battlestar Galactica (it rubs off).
• Monk (we share some of the same neuroses).

Shout out if you're with me.

Succos - Or 7 short days to insanity

I am not going to comment on the relative merits of Succos vs Pasech - We could write a book going back and forth on this. There are very few holidays that are as "touchy feely" as Succos. There is actually stuff to do and stuff to see. For the women, mostly see.

With that in mind, I took my girls to shul early so they could see Hallel and Hoshanas from the balcony (really good view). To do this we had to get lunch in order and in the oven (mostly) and get to shul by I figured 9:40. I got there at 9:50 and they were just about to start Kriyas Shma. But I digress....

Before Hallel, the Rabbi tried to explain how everyone should preferably do the naanuim together and not "like the wave" (He actually said that). Here is how much his motivational speech helped - not at all. Forget the wave, it was closer to Hurricane Katrina.

After that, they tried to rearrange some furniture so that they would be able to "circle" for Hoshanas. As the women in the balcony said to each other: "These guys are holding 2 things in one hand, a machzor in the other hand, keeping the place, with no breakfast---and now you want them to move furniture?"

Shtenders were moved, and moved back, chairs were moved, and moved back. We finished Hoshanas like 10:40. Then I went home to finish up the rest of lunch. I also put together some bagels for the girls, who were in the playroom, and then went back to shul for Musaf.

Then we came home at 12:30 and had 13 people at lunch, which was salmon and it was delicious. Also the oatmeal bread with fresh honey butter went like the wind. I highly recommend it.

to be continued in the last days.

And now for a word about dry cleaning

I just spent $14.40 to have 3 blouses dry cleaned. Somebody stop me.

First of all, one of them was a fancy blouse I wore to 2 weddings with "things" on it that needed to be wrapped extensively before cleaning or they would rip the shirt apart, so I thought it best to leave that to an expert.

The other was a rayon twinset. Rayon - don't get me started. It looks great, it feels heavenly, but you pay for it the rest of your life. For quite a while, I felt I was going to "home dry clean it" and then I was going to hand wash it. Then, since I was already taking the other blouse to the dry cleaners, I figured, go for it.

I hate paying for dry cleaning. It's like paying rental on clothes you already bought. I figure $2/shirt or sweater should be good enough. But over $4 - just extortion.

Fudge has blogged extensively on dry cleaning, so I will leave the verities to her. I just wanted to blow off some steam.

Also, I don't want to buy another thing that is dry clean only, (excepting coats) If I can't tumble it dry, it isn't coming home with me. That goes for anything that is 100% cotton as well. You buy it, you iron it. Rayon is out. It's polyester from here on out. And by the way, the younger boys suit pants go in the washing machine and dryer just fine, have for years.

Dry cleaning, the worlds second oldest profession.

Paper Plates and the cost of doing business.

I seem to have touched a nerve on the issue of disposable dishes especially around the holiday season. Let's review the options.

On the cons of disposable:
Increased trips to the trash bin.
Higher cost.
Increased grocery bags to bring in the house.
Variable quality, poor performance.
Decreased prestige and table ambiance.
That :fake feel: in the mouth, et al.

On the pros of disposable:
Decreased clean up time.
Planned obsolescence.
Can set the whole table with a matching set.
Can vary the look of the table for the occasion.
Can be used for Milchig or Fleishig or both.

So let me hear you weigh in on the matter and tell me what you choose and why. At the end, we will talley up and see who's a macher and who's a shlocker.

Meal pattern planning for Yomtov

This is not going to be a recipe post so don't go running for the hills. The idea is to give you a plan, or method of planning so that you don't wind up cooking for 40 people 10 times.

I also am not going to discuss the merits of paper plates (Or styrofoam for that matter). Personally, I like to eat on dishes. I think most people do. It's the washing that gets you going. It's a trade off, and everyone knows what their limits are. So you can figure that part out for yourself.

In my family, we are not huge meat eaters, so many of these plans involve milchig or parve meals. For some, this will be an anethema. However, trust me, after a the first few chickens, you begin to think you want something else out of life. Usually I place the milchig meal in the middle of the day, which lends itself to numerous milchigs treats and then go back to chicken soup and kneidl after kiddush, which only seems right.

So, these milchig meals that I speak of, what are they really. It depends. We need something that can be cooked in advance and reheated, or eaten at several different times. Exhibit A: Fish. That salmon gifilte fish is just great. You can bake it, or boil it, defrost it halfway, then slice, bread and fry it up. With some baked potatos you have a meal. Also, there are the fish filets now, salmon and tilapia, seasoned and not. If you serve these once, you can serve the leftovers in a salad, or in a pasta salad.

Exhibit B: Lasange. Always a big hit in my house. YOu can make it with the fake meat, or with a vegie filling. Assemble in advance, freeze or refrigerate, put in the oven and forget about it. This also works for Eggplant parmigan and tuna noodle casserole. Either way, I like to start this with a cream of mushroom or mushroom barley soup and serve with a leafy salad. Ice cream pie for desert, yum.

Exhibit C:We will call this short cuts. These are for the times, for example after hakafos or after too many days of Yomtif, when you don't want a big meal. My biggest seller here is tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwichs. But there is an entire omlet section, french toast (oven or griddle)(good for when you have a lot of leftover challa)potato latkes (not just for pasech anymore) and the salad bar with croutons and cheese and eggs or fish in there, apples, raisen, craisens, nuts - Go crazy. And EZ clean up too.

Finally, and most importantly, have on hand a pound of sliced deli meat (baloney works for me) at least a lb of tuna and some eggsalad in the frig. When the kids say they are hungry, feed them a sandwich. You work on the meals, the snacks will take care of themselves. There is nothing wrong with a tuna bagel and a banana at 11:20 when lunch is still 2 hours away. Hungry Children = stress, and the corrolary Hungry Mommy = ++ stress ++. So as long as it's not a fast day. Eat.

Lastly, remember to take care of yourself. I said it before, put on your own oxygen mask first, otherwise, the rest won't matter. You may be a mom, but you are also a person. You have feelings and you have needs and you don't need to apologize for either. So be good to yourself, whatever that takes, and Mrs. Balabusta will see you on the other side.

Rosh Hashana Primer

This is the part of the juggling routine where you have more balls in the air than it is possible to catch, so you have to decide which one you can let fall and if there is something soft for it to land on.

Let me preface this, (whatever this turns out to be) by saying that Yomin Noraim are not for rookies. The davening is off the wall, by that I mean not what we usually say, or even in a normal pattern, and the accent of the Chazan is different that we usually hear here, and the timing all around is not so good. By that I mean, shofar blowing comes right about the same time as every kid gets hungry, a little after 11. So if you are going to stick it out for the whole show, you need to have a little bag of tricks. Since I like you, I am going to share my Rosh HaShana secrets here, and since I am Mrs. Balabusta, these will be tips for women with kids of various ages. Men: You are on your own.

1. Quit while you are ahead. Set a goal for yourself that is attainable: for example, your first year or two out I think a reasonable goal is to get to shul for shofar. Bonus points if you get to hear Henini, but be prepared to leave any time in the bonus round. From Mizmor Ldovid to the end of tkiyos is roughly 45 minutes. You will need to bring 5 books, 2 stuffed animals (small, beanies are good and quiet) and a box of graham crackers or cheerios (depending on # of teeth involved) and a water bottle or other drink. Daven whatever from Shachris you want to say at home before you go. Make sure the kids have snack around an hour before shofar, usually fruit in my house, and that they went to the bathroom or were changed. Expect to arrive 10 minutes before shofar is actually supposed to happen.
2. Don't push your luck. If you get everything lined up correctly and lets say you even get to stay for silent musaf and the baby starts waking up or other kids are getting fried.... then leave. While you are still in a good mood and the kids have still had a positive experience at shul. You have to trust me on this, you will not win anything by staying longer, and you will lose your patience and good feeling that you got in the bonus round. You got to know when to hold em, and know when to fold em.
3. Keep company to a minimum. This is a hard thing to do, personally we should have 16 people sitting down the second day for lunch. But the idea is to keep stress at a minimum, do not overbook. Have one big meal with company, but do not have company at every meal and serve 7 courses 4 times. That is a lot of work. If you are going to have a yom tov like that, don't plan on going to shul. You can do one or the other, but not both, or I should say, not both well. If you plan on where you are going to put your energies, and stick to it, you won't feel stretched beyond imagination.
4. Know yourself. This item should be on every list ever made. Basically I refer to normal patterns of behavior, we all have them. If by the end of the day you feel like a wrung out dishrag, do not invite company for dinner, stick with lunches. If you enjoy having company after your kids are in bed, but can't talk with them hanging on your lap and pulling on your blouse, don't do lunches, stick with dinners. The rule is - play from your strength! Corrolary to this is, take in to account your husband's strengths and weaknesses. It does no good to invite company at night, if he has been standing in shul for hours on end and is worn out, and then complain that he wasn't entertaining. He has to buy into the plan. If he gives a "Whatever you want." answer, then he is buying whatever you plan and you can hold him to it - (I would put it too him in just those words, wait a minute, I already did).
5. Have Fun. This is important. (Men, you can tune back in now, I'm talking to you). This is a chag, zman simchsainu, so we should enjoy it. Eat what you want, can be brisket, can be salmon, can be tuna patties and tomato soup. Make snacks that your kids will enjoy that you feel comfortable with them eating. I like apple crisp for Rosh Hashana. I make apple sauce with the kids (they can mash it up, you can't hurt applesauce). Remember that you are making memories here, and they should be warm, happy, good ones. I don't care if the silver is polished or not, no one remembers that. They remember singing in the kitchen, peeling massive amounts of potatos together and the smell of the soup when you walk into the house. Enjoy yourself, enjoy your husband and enjoy your family. Enjoy your life, it's a gift, a privlige and it's up to you.

Kesiva v'Chasima Tova to everyone and your families.