Winter Olympics my foot
The Iron Woman Triathelon
Put three kids under 5 in snowsuits, get them to Pick n Save, complete an hour of grocery shopping, negotiate two carts back to the car and get the kids and the food in the house before the kids start screaming for lunch.
This is a vehicle event, where one kid has to go to soccer/sport, one music/art, and the other a dentist/doctor appt. All have to be scheduled after school but before dinner. All participants must pass the "dope test" and illegal parking is not allowed.
While this category is usually found in the summer olympic, it can be adapted to the winter season if you are getting a quick
trip to the Dells or another water park. This is where you have 5-6 kids in several different pools, ponds, slides and rivers, and know where they all are at all times. Several point deductions are made for saying "I thought he was with you!"
This is a vehicle event which features many intricate moves and maneuvers you thought were only seen in NASCAR. Some of the compulsory elements for the technical score include the curb pull up and hook shot drop off. The judges will be looking for original composition in negotiating lane change, and pulling back into traffic. Several points are available for flexibility and athleticism in buckling the car seats and seat belts. This can be a team event, with a separate event in coordinating schedules for carpools.
and the finale which only the strong of heart and knees can stand to watch...
The School Supply Shopping Event
More slippery than the luge, more intricate than a triple toe loop, more risky than the grand slolam and often more violent than a hockey game, this event features coordination, athleticism, patience, endurance, stamina and a keen sense of reflexes bordering on precognition. Participants in this event must pass the regional new lunch box competition and the nationals backpack/bookbag competition. You must bring the children shopping with you to qualify. Extra credit for high school students and lists. Participants are required to sign an injury waiver before competing.
and all the guys in Torino have to do is skate and ski? And get this, they only have to do it once!